She is gone

So, that is it, you went to join the angels, and all the other ones who had given you the mission to guide your family, with the values you had judged best, with this rage to do as much as possible so we would never lack anything, and we would know the best too.

You sewed our pants and dresses, you cooked for 12 when it was only the 3 of us. I never saw you stop, or rest: you were always working, because life had to go on, no matter what, and there is always something to do.

You fought for freedom during the war, while waiting for your husband, made prisoner in Germany. You kept your chin up as a young widow, as if nothing had happened, or almost nothing. Breaking down was out of question, or at least, showing a slice of a meltdown was inconceivable. We must keep going, resist, swallow our saliva and not let go. Ever. Not by pride or to show off, no, only to confirm that you had gone through other obstacles, and that a traffic agent would be the last one to slow your race. What a strong character you were. Slightly stubborn, deeply determined and a touch competitive, you did not like to lose, and I never saw you abdicate.

Then, throughout the years, you made yourself more discreet, as if you wanted to give others a chance. You have always clearly seen through what was happening around you, the behaviours, the words and the gestures people were displaying. The softness under your shell was slowly becoming apparent to the ones who paid attention, and it made it delicious.

Later, your bones and muscles distracted you a few times, touching the independence you had cultivated as your identity. You riposted, made some sicknesses stumble and the doctors doubt. The past week will have likely been your hardest battle: admitting that your body had taken over your will power. You did not quit, your heart, however, got tired faster than your mind. Your heart took you away to appease you, just to remind you that living, and dying, with all your heart is likely the justest thing to happen: to you, to us and others.

Do not worry, you may be gone, but you will be in our hearts forever. We will try to beat some records on your Nintendo, understand how you could know so many words to win your Scrabble competitions. I am pretty sure you will laugh at our attempts.

Thank you for having passed me your deep rage to live, to the end, because life can be beautiful, after all.

Thank you for your company and feeding us with your lucidity. Say hi to Grandpa from us: I wish you some lovely dinners with him, and to enjoy this new eternity of yours to finally settle, quietly. With all my love, rest in peace.

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